I'm so upset! I wrote an entire blog yesterday without internet and tried to add a picture which in turn deleted my entire post. I already was going to post it late and lost motivation to rewrite another one last night. I had an interview today form 10-2pm and wanted to make sure that I got my rest. I debated writing one today since I always release on Monday's but as an entrepreneur, it's pertinent that I stay consistent.
What I wanted to expound on was how faithful God has been. A couple weeks ago I created a blog talking about my fast and what I wanted to get out of it. Two things, obtaining more faith and better discernment in hearing His voice. I can say with absolute certainty that the fast was worth it and prayers were answered.
Near the end of my fast week God led me to an old series by Michael Todd called Expect Effect, and my faith definitely increased. It was one of the first sermons I ever watched by him and was one of the main reasons I started to attach myself to his teachings. The fact that my prayers were answered in that week gave me more confidence in God and what he is doing in my life.
In times leading up to today, I've gained the discernment that I was praying and seeking God for. Once, I was driving home and heard that I should take an earlier exit and I did. I have no idea what I missed or if there was anything impeding my path at my common exit but I will never have to find out.
Yesterday, I heard in my spirit that I should take my computer to a scheduled podcast at my co-host house and thankfully I listened. He didn't show up until 40 minutes later and the guest that we scheduled didn't show up at all. I was happy that He spoke to me because it gave me time to finish the blog.
Unfortunately I lost it all but even in that, my reaction was a lot different that what it would have been before being saved. I would've went off angry at the world unable to function and all my past hurts would resurface causing me to spiral even more. I was proud of myself for that, it's a testament that I'm truly growing and will be able to face future adversities confidently.
Even before the fast, I felt in my spirit that God was telling me to put down my novels and focus on my spiritual and inspirational books. At first I was reluctant, but I followed suit and was graced with knowledge. Knowledge that has been perfect for my book which will help in my writing making my words more efficient and heartfelt. I'm glad I'm getting better at receiving his word.
I know that I heard him lead me to serve in the church, and shortly after that I don't need to work early on Sunday's anymore so that I can be efficient at my position. Soon after, they talked about paying me for my services which I had no idea would be on the table. God always looks out when we are giving him an ear to hear.
Also going through this interview process I've been putting God first and asking him to give me the right words to speak. While they were asking me questions I was praying internally, and there were some that I had no idea to answer and after a second or two of meditation I was able to answer adequately.
My biggest thing is that I don't want to work at a place that isn't conducive to my life and being a father. That's a big thing for me, I want to make sure that I'm able to have my time with my daughter's on weekends and nights. I can work and be successful all I want but it isn't worth anything, in my mind, if I don't have my babies love and respect.
I really like the job and what all it can be and do for me, my career, and even in the courts eyes. There are a couple hang ups that have me apprehensive but I know that if God wants me to be in this position that he will provide. A lot of people were second guessing me because of the drive, and after making it today I have some thoughts myself. Again, if this is where I'm supposed to be I know that my heavenly Father will provide. There isn't a doubt in my mind about that, not at all.
The other day I started to read about Gideon in the book of Judges and saw him ask God to prove himself through making the cloth wet and the ground dry and vice versa. I know as long as I ask I will receive so I did for becoming a P.E teacher, I wanted to know what his will was for me and if the YMCA was the move I needed to make. Asking him to prove himself through a circumstance he stayed silent, so I believe that being a teacher is not the role he has planned for me.
In otherwards, the search continues until I can find something that works or the recent interview pulls through.
While working on the church Facebook page God gave me the thought to check Amelia's mother's page to see if there were any updated pictures of her. I saw one from December 2020, it was her and her sister sitting in front of a christmas tree. She looked so big! I could've swore she was six foot tall. Her smile was engaging, her eyes were bright as the lights behind her, and her legs were long with complimenting feet. It was almost as if she was trying to fit in the lens she was so tall.
I couldn't help but laugh with joy, she going to have to be my little hooper. She about to be 5! It's hard to believe sometimes that my baby is about to be five years old, even harder that I have a five year old. I can't wait until I get to restore my relationship with her and show her the love that she deserves. There isn't a greater joy than being a father.
Amelia and Amara daddy loves you so much and I promise to never give up on you.
