Life is like a boat in a wavy ocean, a constant rise and fall of peaks and valleys. A consistent revolving door of time, ticking away whether we are awake or sleep, in purpose or wasting away life. The sun always shows its face during the day and is replaced by the moon at night. The beauty about life is that even if I were to mess up today I still have tomorrow to make it up, to make a difference.
This past week, I've experienced both highs and lows and now I'm in a conundrum within myself. My peak is that I started my new job today, working as a Director of Sports for the YMCA and it is everything that I expected. I got my own office, desk, and it's connected to the gym where I can go shoot whenever I need break. Today, I was able to teach a couple kids how to correctly shoot as well as a couple dribbling drills and they were in tuned to my lessons.
I shot a couple shots myself and noticed a college player who later told me that he played for Lenoir-Rhyne. They have a pretty good basketball team and legacy as well, I didn't even tell him that I used to play he could tell by the way I was teaching the kids. My goal is to make a name for myself throughout that gym to help brand the Y as well as my sports programs. Having a plaque with my name and position in bold letters helps with this initiative too, it was a great feeling plastering it in front of my door.
All the kids that came through today were from the community that I want to be influential too. I also have two employees directly under me and have a supervisor in between me and the director of the entire YMCA. Those that are under me are older than me, which will be a learning curve, I never want to come into a place and be overbearing to my subordinates. I came in and listened to what they had to say as well as offered my own suggestions, more on how to operate open gym. Not many showed up today though.
Through this exciting experience I learned on Friday that Amelia's mother moved without letting me know forcing me to push back the temporary hearing date. The Sheriff's Office tried to serve her the papers but couldn't because of the new tenant, hearing the news was disheartening. It has been one of my biggest fears and being blocked from contacting her in anyway I have the slightest clue on how to find her.
Searching through google all I could find was old addresses and names that I was unsure was connected to her. I have no idea if Amelia's mom still lives with my baby's grandmother or if they got a place on their own. Maybe she lives with another guy who is assuming my role as a father, or their hiding out together. What if she doesn't even live in the city anymore? What if she moved to Georgia or Florida. They moved out in March, and to me, it seems strategic.
If that's the case, then the entire family is in on keeping me out of my daughter's life. Truly a tragic experience, a product of my horrendous decisions when I was immature and insecure. If I could have only saw into the future, but that would take the beauty out of life like watching the sunset.
Fortunately, it didn't crush me to the point of paralysis like it used to. If it wasn't for me engraining scriptures like James 1, Romans 5:3-5, and Romans 12 which implore me to be steadfast in affliction and keep on praying. Also that I should rejoice in these setbacks because it's going to build an endurance in me that will make me whole, complete and lacking nothing. That "lacking nothing" in James 1 empowers me every time that I read it. It encourages me to continuously pray and have faith in my confident hope.
Strong words to cling to in times of tribulation. Even though I had that valley to deal with my new computer came in on Friday, which I am currently typing on. I did some research and ended up choosing the Lenovo IdeaPad 10th generation. I paid a lot for it but it was worth it, I've been enjoying it and liking the idea that it connects to my phone in a variety of ways. I can text, play my Spotify, connect to my OneDrive, and it's interesting to learn new software. This is my first personal Windows computer, I grew up with Apple laptops and desktops but since I transitioned to Android phones I felt as if an equivalent laptop would be best.
Another low point was while I was at work today the devil was speaking doubt in my ear and anxiety. It was a lot to learn in a small time span and a lot of passwords for various systems. They told me last night that I would be "hitting the ground running" and they didn't lie, but this is what I asked for.
I had to pray and cast my cares to God, I know that he allowed me this position because I'm ready and more than capable. I have the credentials and the mindset and a good mentor as well as a plethora of guides put in place for my success. It's sports! It's my world and the devil is still trying to sneak his way into the crevices of my mind causing separation of truths and lies.
For work I had to take a personality test and learned that I'm not simply an extrovert but a protagonist. After reading about it I realized it spoke directly to me and my personality and was amazed at how accurate it was. It was the Myers Briggs test, and they noted how the rest of the leadership team fell on the spectrum. I like how they did that, it was very interesting to see. There's also a strengths test that I have to take and I believe will be just as accurate, and informative to me on how my brain works.
This past weekend I blew up the small pool for Amara to play in the water, she loved it! I enjoyed watching her wallow in the water, spinning around in circles and splashing and swishing about. I kept the sprinkler on so that she could run through it and I was taking it off the ground and spraying her. She always asked surprised after I hit her with the cold water, she ran around the entire backyard sometimes forgetting all about the water. Times like these ameliorate the negative experiences, it makes me feel like a good daddy. Sometimes it's hard to genuinely feel that I am because of my decisions.
Bad decisions.
Amelia and Amara, daddy loves you. I love you both more than any words or podcast could ever detail.
