I'm not sure if there's a better feeling than watching Amara's personality shine, other than being able to share it with those that I love. Being a father, is truly the single greatest thing I've ever got to experience aside from giving my life to Christ and the peace that follows. Other than the times that she cries when I walk away, she's always ecstatic, jolly and running around.
She loves to be in my arms and when I'm busy she's reaching up to be in someone else's, I bet she'll always be telling us how much she loves us. That includes everyone on her mother's side as well because I know that she is receiving the same amount of love over there. Otherwise, I don't believe that her personality would've manifested the way that it has.
Her big brother, who is 8 now, has the same hyper outgoing characteristics that she is probably mimicking. I can't wait for Amara to be around Amelia, since they are a little closer in age and it's also another girl to be around. They can play with dolls and barbie houses and have the ability to share a room when I buy my own house. I'm believing, having the faith for, and expecting to buy a house or townhouse by the end of this lease.
Which is the end of April 2022, I would like for them to have their own room and an office space for me to set up a place for me to focus on my writings. I would be satisfied to have three rooms where they can share a room, like I said, they're close in age. Also, I'm believing for full custody over Amelia so she'll have the room to herself for the most part. I'm sure she wouldn't mind sharing since she already has a sister that is about a year older than Amara.
This weekend, she has really been showing herself. We went to a family friends house and I can tell that she was relishing in all the attention, being picked up and loved on. Times like that, is when she forgets about being in my arms, but it also depends on the spirit of the person as well. Amara takes to my older brother's girlfriend, who we are learning sign language for, and acts like she has been knowing her for years. Amara will leave my arms to go to hers, and will be in perfect peace looking at me and smiling.
I enjoy it though, I don't complain when she only wants to be with me because it's better than her forgetting who I am. Without a doubt, she knows who her daddy is, who her gigi, pappi, auntie, and uncles are. It's truly a blessing, especially since my time with Amelia has been so sparse. This second go round of fatherhood is what I wanted my first to be like, the experience is like no other.
Last night, when Amara was getting tired she started acting really goofy and I was loving it. She would bounce around on the bed while kicking her feet laying on her back letting them freely move, threatening to kick me in the face. Apparently, she likes to deliver pain because she started biting my fingers and arms trying to get a reaction out of me. Scratching my skin and looking at me, biting my chain, I knew it was definitely time to put her to sleep.
She reminds me of myself, I've always been the tester type, pushing people to the limits to see what kind of reaction I could get out of them. How much they can take, when they're are at their wits end is when you see their true character. I'm like my mom in that sense, always trying to get more out of people because most a reserved when hiding parts of themselves.
While she was being crazy, I was doing research for my book, getting information so that my characters will be more alive. I was getting work done but I had to think about what life would be like being a full-time parent and an entrepreneur. I know I can do it, and would thrive, but posing challenges too. After I get my house I thought about how I would never lock my office door, even while writing, but try to implement that daddy is working and that they should entertain themselves.
Sometimes, in movies I see fathers not being attuned to the family while in their offices and I vowed to never be like that. My family will always be more important than business ventures, or anything personal. I want them to feel comfortable to talk to me about anything and everything knowing that I will be there for them, even if it's awkward or they made a mistake.
It's important for their development, just like doing research is important for my book. I'm always getting new ideas and new ways to write or twist the story to add more of what I've been learning. I see why they say it takes about two years to write a novel, especially an in depth one with all the intricacies. It matters, when I read I'm looking for the characters to be captivating so that they entice me to read further. I want my characters to be as enveloping, if not more, than the books I grew up reading.
The story line has to be in line and congruent from start to finish, when writing I learned that I can drop hints that will plant a seed for later on in the book. I'm trying to put them in the outline so that I won't forget, changing chapters around moving them further in the book and bringing others towards the front.
I enjoy being creative, I'm expecting something great when I finish. I'm seeking God as I write because I know he knows my heart and exactly how I want to portray my message. Mixing his word with my creativity and life lessons that I've learned, it's going to be great. Even if it doesn't sell a copy, it's my work, my effort, and books last forever. So if it doesn't click now, it will somewhere down the line.
Another poet who wrote a book reminded me the power that allows our children to say that "My daddy wrote a book," like I said their forever.
I also started serving in New Kingdom Church, the one I previously mentioned in other blogs. I'm going to work in social media, help breakdown and set up the church, be present for morning prayer, and possibly help in the men's industry. Which I want to do since I am a big advocate for men, especially fathers. A subject that is dear to my heart after enduring all that I have, it's important to me to help those after me. Decision making is key for me, but I'm looking forward to seeing how God will work through me in that atmosphere and where it will eventually lead me.
I'm looking forward to the man of God I'm going to become for my daughters. As always, Amelia and Amara, daddy loves you and will never give up on you.
Amara Noelle