It's been a while since I've stroked the keys of my laptop. Feeling the buttons bounce off my fingertips tapping at the letters that convey my sentiments. As I sit in my chair and flipped the game on, I wondered. Had anybody noticed? Was there any anticipation? Although that's not entirely why I do it, but it would be nice to know.
The week before spring break Amara surprised me with her memory and foreword thinking. At my parents' house, we keep some bubbles in a purple butterfly container. Even though the Final Four was on I still decided to try and blow some bubbles with her, anything for my baby, right?
After I dipped the stick and lightly blew, no bubbles came. I tried twice more to no avail and looked at Amara and signaled that it was empty. I gave her a hug and kiss and went back to watching the game. Not two minutes later she came to me with a pack of bubbles that I had not seen before. I thought it was beautiful that she remembered that she had seen another pack somewhere and associated it with the situation. Finding ways she could still get her bubbles.
And she did.
Another instance Amara proved a cunning mind was when she tricked us into thinking that she couldn't get out the screened in back porch. I found her walking back up the stairs from the backyard and we all wondered how she got out. The lock on the door seemed to be baby proof. We asked her to show us how to get out, and she acted like she didn't know how to do it.
I locked it back and brought her back inside, but when she went back outside, I waited a beat and then followed her. I caught her with the door wide open! When she realized she quickly closed the door and pretended that I never saw. She gave me one of her big mischievous smiles, like when she is about to take off running, and I try not to smirk, but I always do because of her cuteness. Sometimes I feel like I encourage her behavior, but my babies get to me.
The fact that she was at that level of faking like she doesn't know something so that she can conceal it is amazing to me. She isn't three years old and yet, she can come up with a scheme like this.
For Amelia's spring break I wanted to spend some alone time with her, to give her what Amara gets religiously. Of course, I felt guilty at first because I want to have both my girls and I believe trauma has to do with some of it. I'm thankful that I listened to God and my mother and gave her that time because it was His promise of the restoration of time coming to pass.
We went to the park with neighbors, she came to work with me, she participated in my Pee Wee Sports class that I teach, and we cuddled and watched Home every night per her request. I was laying in the bed one night and just watched Amelia be herself, and thought to myself, I complain a lot to have her back in my life. The small things like child support or phone calls, but it can't compare to being able to interact with my oldest.
I know my daughter loves me because she tells me all the time, but there was this one time. She ran over to give me a hug and spread her love, she gave me this smile filled with adoration and appreciation that I can never forget. I close my eyes, even today, and can see the way she looked at me. I'm pretty sure I saw her eye sparkle like in the cartoons, I let out a joyful exhale.
The entire week she continuously expressed her love, although a couple of those times it was to get what she wanted. Amelia surprised me this spring break. The past few trips to North Carolina she has been crying every night wanting to go home. It was like a switch, as soon as it was time to for bed. I thought of it as a way to avoid going to bed, but it still hurt, nonetheless.
That first night her lips quivered, and her eyes watered but she sucked it in and reminded herself of how many days until she goes back with her mom. Thankfully it wasn't too many times throughout the week, I believe she thoroughly enjoyed herself. The aforementioned neighbors' kids are around the same age hoping it will aid in Amelia wanting to come back.
I thought the Boston Celtics would come out and have a better game, but Giannis is unstoppable. He still feels like he has something to prove and wants to win another championship, that's a dangerous combination. I'm rooting for the Suns, but that Devin Booker injury has me nervous. That, and the fact that Golden State is rolling again and that is never a pretty sight for the rest of the league.
Playing in the YMCA adult league that I created has me feeling like I can get back out there again. Light footed and in shape, I'm grabbing boards playing defense and slashing for dunks and aggressive layups.
I know a lot of people that could've played in the league, including me. Sometimes, it's all about playing your best at the right opportunity, and grades of course. I've played against NBA players, overseas, and DII and everyone can keep up with each other for the most part. It's a blessing on any level to play after high school, even more to go DI. Especially when that was the goal since I was young, with index cards on the wall exclaiming my greatness.
Watching some of the young guys playing at my job it's hard not to reminisce on being that age with big dreams and a fiery passion. Some I can tell will make it to the next level based off skill, others work ethic, and even more haven't grasped the true idea of what it takes. Meaning on the court and in the classroom, in that high school stage, it's one of the biggest deterrents. I've been there, and many others.
I constantly pray that my daughters will pick up the game that I love and take it as far as they want to go.
Amelia and Amara, daddy loves you.