To Many More
Updated: Jan 4, 2022
What a week!
My daughters met for the first-time last weekend! The excitement in each of their faces brought me close to a tear. I've waited on this day, dreamed about it, envisioned it, and there were times where it felt like it would never happen. God gave me a dream some time ago showing me that I will be holding Amara in my arms and Amelia by hand, it was all I could think about.
His promises are true!
My parents took Amara to Atlanta, Georgia to our five-year-old cousin birthday party. He had come to both my sister's and brother's wedding and fell in love with his baby cousin Amara. The last time that he was in Raleigh, he saw me and the first thing that he said was "where is she?!" They had so much fun that he requested my parents bring her down for his birthday, and of course, my parents obliged.
By the pictures my parents shared, I could tell that she had the time of her life. She was on the trampoline with the big kids, sticking her hand in all the bowls of candy. It was the most sweets she had in her entire life; I feel like the effects lasted when she came back because she fought her sleep every night. She always does, but it seemed to be more than usual this time.
The birthday party in itself was immaculate, the mom did the wedding decorations for both of my siblings' weddings. She obviously has an eye for this lane, it was construction themed with signs and caution tape. The cake was beautiful, and they all got hard hats and safety vest to wear for the party. I need to start thinking up great ideas like that so I can throw a party for my babies.
While Amara was in Georgia, I was driving to South Carolina to meet Amelia's mom. More exciting than last time because I knew this would be the weekend that my two daughters get to meet for the first time! I was also excited to have Amelia by herself for a while knowing that in the future, I would have more alone time with Amara than her sister. A fleeting thought try to stick to the crevices of my brain telling me that I would have two very different relationships with my kids and that I would cause a divide in the home.
I quickly cast the thought.
When her mother's car pulled into the parking spot, her eyes had the same sparkle as it did when I saw her for the first time. She couldn't wait to get out of the car and jumped into my arms, gave me the tightest embrace, and started putting her forehead on mind applying pressure. Right then, I knew that the incessant fear that I trudged in for the last two years was nonexistent.
A production of my own imagination. It was one of them moments where time seemed to freeze, just me and her as I watched her smile at me with love in her eyes. I shoulder pressed her and she squealed in genuine happiness.
I got my baby.
As we drove back and she talked my head off about whatever seemed to cross her mind, asking me to look at things while I drove. Unaware of the safety risk but aware of the safety with her father. What a feeling. We had a lot of fun that weekend enjoying each other, I'm dancing and she's laughing, her personality vibrant as the sun in summer.
I've spoken many times that I underestimated the power of pictures, until pictures were all that I had. I'm happy and proud of myself that I'm starting to capture the moments that I once missed, the memories that burn deep but still end up fading away.
It was time for my daughters to meet for the first time and I was almost taken aback by the joy that emanated from my 5-year-old. Almost, because I understood the love that has been bread inside of Amelia. That moment I was instantly grateful that Amelia's mom kept us and even my baby girl Amara alive in her mind. It could have been much worse, and for that, I will no longer hold anything against her.
How could I? My baby loves me! After 2 years almost to the date, she loves me! After worrying night after night, igniting fights because I couldn't see my birth right. SHE STILL LOVES ME.
Writing poetry to palliate the feelings that caused the pen to scratch the page, curving, crossing, and dotting scribbles that form words. Detailing the ramifications of lost love languages costing hair time and confidence. Filling notebooks with formations of letters hoping that whoever reads or listens can ascertain the pain diluted with clever pen strokes.
Amelia screamed Amara's name and she ran to her big sister with open arms embracing in beauty. The satisfaction of how smoothly the introduction played out plastered my face as I watched my family enjoy my children. What a scene to witness, they started to acquaint with each other after Amara told everybody hey.
It didn't take long for the fussing and crying for daddy to ensue, usually Amara wasn't trying to share her toys and Amelia thought they all were hers. As they tussled, I snapped pictures whenever I deemed necessary. Neither one of them wanted to share their daddy, every time I picked Amara up or gave her a hug Amelia would go find someone else to hug and sit on their lap.
There was plenty of jealousy, good intentions, love, confusion, messy room, and lack of space on the bed. My mom said that I should get out the pack-n-play so I would have more space but I wasn't having it. I got both of my babies? The only option is for us to cuddle together.
Which came at a price. Not only did I not sleep well, the first night Amara kept trying to push Amelia off of me. AJ, Amelia Janelle, kept fussing like she wasn't the bigger sister. I have a feeling one day they will be throwing real bows, upset one minute best friends again the next. That's how me and Sl1m was, we fought a lot but it made us as close as we are.
I hope the same for my two babies and Amelia's other sister on her mom's side, I see no reason why all three of them shouldn't be like the Musketeers. We tried riding bikes and Amara was upset that she couldn't keep up with her big sister. We took a walk around the neighborhood and visited a house that was in the process of getting built. Teaching them about foundations and sturdiness relaying to them that it's the most important part of life.
Of course, she didn't truly understand, but I just planted a seed just like taking her to church with me on Sunday's. Watching me get their early to set up, participate in intercessory prayer, as well as letting her visualize how I move about the room communicating and engaging. Giving her a different scenery.
Prayerfully something stands. I just got to continue to do my part and lead by example. One neat thing that happened, was that I felt God was telling me to send her pictures of the weekend. I wrestled with it but end up sending them on God's word and the notion that this would incite her to share pictures herself. Upon receiving the pictures, she responded warming my heart in a way that only seeing my children could but not without the fear of the past's chilling wind.
To many more.
Amelia and Amara, daddy loves you.