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All Week

I had an awesome week! There's nothing better than coming home to my baby girl and watching her squeal when I walk through the door. I loved the way she ran up to me and grabbed hold of my neck with a grip that said she hadn't seen me all day. Kisses that I didn't have to ask for and jumbled words that I bet were telling me that she loved me as I repeated it back to her in English.

It was hard to go to work in the morning because I just wanted to stay at home with her and enjoy her presence. I found myself wanting to wake her up before I left so that I could tell her goodbye. I was feeling like every parent who is blessed to live with their kids, stuck between being a provider and a parent. Between knowing what needs to be done and executing it, or quitting so that a single moment isn't missed.

It's true that they grow up so fast, it feels just the other day when Amara could barely hold the bottle in her hand. Now she feeds herself and I have confidence in her sitting in a regular chair and not her high chair. A little bit of confidence, at least, I'm always near by. That's half of what parenting is, always being within arms reach so I can brace a fall or embrace them when they do trip up.

Amara and I were walking Onyx and she tripped over her feet and fell on her face, I couldn't stop her fall but I was there to hold her after. In the same walk, I saw that Onyx was about to take off and held the leash before she could've been dragged down the street. It almost happened with my sister's dog Bella, she fell and scraped her knees but luckily it only bled for a little while.

At her age, she already has a bunch of scars around her knees from her falling while being active. I wonder, when I was that age, did I have as many healed wounds on my legs. It's beautiful watching her grow up in her day-to-day, like I said in my podcast this past week I feel fulfilled as a father.

I'm thankful for my family who played a major part in taking care of my baby while I was at work, I wished that I lived closer so that Amara could visit me at work. One day, after the pandemic, we will go swimming in our Olympic sized pool. At the moment, I'm not confident that chlorine will save me if the sickness were to enter the pool.

My brother in-love's birthday was this weekend and my sister put together a surprise party and outing for him. I'm looking forward to the day my significant other will think about me in this manner, even though I don't need anything but love on my birthday it'll be nice to be thought of.

We went to Frankie's in Brier Creek, my family conversed on how it's been years since we last came to this adventurous place. The last time I remember going was back when I played AAU and we came as a unit. I'm not sure how much of the inside had changed because we refused to stay in there due to the overcrowding of people. We chose to play put-put, ride go karts, and go on a ride that mimicked the fair.

I've always like mini-golf but I find that I'm still too competitive to play certain sports. I started off great, my first five holes or so I didn't shoot anything over three shots. Of course we were keeping score which only amped up my spirit to win. I was also chasing Amara around, we tried to give her a child club and a ball but she kept going after the golf balls already in play. It was a struggle chasing after her and trying to play at the same time, she threw the ball in the water and tried to jump in herself.

She loves water and playing in it, it was definitely hot enough to swim but she wasn't in the right gear for that. Nor was it the time or place, earlier in the week her Aunt Toya my older brother's fiancée took her out back and filled up the pool. I received pictures at work of her in the pool with all her clothes and even her shoes. My mom later told me that she told Amara to wait while she got her bathing suit and with that my baby jumped right in exclaiming that she didn't need one.

I love pictures, I don't necessarily enjoy taking them as much as I like receiving them. I want my wife to send me pictures of her and the kids while I'm at work, that's always been a dream of mine. Something simple, but the past has shown me that the simplest of things are hard to come by. The entire week I was getting pictures of what they were doing, once they were walking around in the wagon, another time she was being cute and making a mess of her food.

One thing that I really love is how quickly Amara is picking up on sign language. Not only picking it up but also retaining the information as well, we ask her what certain signs are and she remembers. It's awesome to think that she can barely speak words but can pick up on signs and can understand the words that are coming out of our mouths. It's easy for her take commands but she decides rather she wants to listen or not.

It's cute now, I try to break her of the habit, but when I try to grab something from her she usually throws it or trues to run away. It's funny because she's laughing and running like a cartoon character, but it's also bad because I'm not teaching her good behavior. In times like these, where is the fine line between playing with your kids and being the strong disciplining parent? How can I pop her when I know it's in her nature, in all of our nature's, to be bad and rebellious?

Being a daughter dad is hard because all we want to do is protect and love on our little girls, I guess she already has me wrapped around her finger. I pick her up when she wants to and when she doesn't want to be put down I keep switching arms to make her happy.

On Thursday I believe, the day of my open mic I left before she woke up and got home after 9pm. She saw me and after I picked her up she wouldn't let me put her down, I could feel her missing me throw her warm embrace. I had to wash my hands, clean and cut chicken, make quesadillas, and eat all while holding her. When I tried to put her down she cried letting the entire neighborhood know that she was unhappy.

It feels good to be loved by my child, I think back to two years ago around this time when my alopecia really started ramping up. I was lost, hurting and without God, and expecting for Amara to be born. There's been a tremendous change in my mindset since then, and I can thank God for his grace and mercy that I even made it this far. If it wasn't for him, I might not be living today.

Amelia and Amara, daddy loves you.

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