One of the purest most innocent instances is watching two kids interact with each other. At first, it's always uncertainty as their mind processes whether or not they should entertain the other small human. Some, like Amara, are outgoing and willing to wave and introduce herself with her baby talk and holding of hands. Others, like the little girl at Mayflower restaurant in Roanoke Rapids, stare assessing the situation before deciding to befriend.
The other child was a chunky baby like how Amelia was and a twin, the other one sat at the other end of the table and it was clear they weren't identical. Amara wanted to meet both of them and fussed until I let her down from her high chair so that she could run over to them. They were about a half year younger than her, she was trying to deliver high fives and the others seemed unsure of what to do. Eventually, the twin at the far end of the table reciprocated.
I could see the joy in my babies eyes and in the pitch of her screech as she made new friends. Subsequently, the food was brought out to our table, I got two pieces of flounder and one of trout along with fries and okra. Mayflower has some of the best seafood for cities not near the coast, unfortunately the fish had bones in it so I had to be careful when feeding my baby.
Not growing up eating fish with bones in it, it's a little different for me but ever since the Juneteeth festival I make sure to check the food before Amara eats it. She didn't take to the fish as much but she liked the okra, fries, and hushpuppies plenty, I like to buy enough to share or buy my daughter her own meal. She isn't even two years old yet and I'm buying her a kids meal at most places, she can eat like her daddy.
She's small now, but soon she'll grow. The best part about the affair was the end when the twin Amara first interacted with finally warmed up to the idea of a friend. While we were checking out the little girl kept breaking free and running up to us, which Amara thoroughly enjoyed. Both the little girls were letting off a deep giggle and hearty laugh as Amara joined the fun running up to their group after an adult pulled the other kid away.
I had pure joy watching their interaction, I could tell that the little girl had her own mind just like Amara. They're too young to call them bad, since all kids are born with a signature for sin, I would say they are just acting on their nature. They probably chase those girls around like I have to do with Amara, ever since my baby could climb she's been trying to walk on top of tables. She ascends and descends the stairs adamantly, I'm not sure if she is showing off her skills or wanting a workout.
Amara is such a busy body and they say boys are worse, I can't imagine! I know I say I want a boy eventually , but that might be when the grey hairs start to grow. I wouldn't be upset if I never did, honestly, being a girl dad is amazing. I say that now until they start to grow up, right? Especially the Sodom and Gomorrah like times we are finding ourselves living in, soon anything and everything will be legal under law. Scary to think about. Really scary.
We were in Virginia because we went to the beach to witness my younger brother ask his girl for her hand in marriage. It reminded me of going to see him play rugby, or them coming to watch me play at The Citadel, a day trip for a single event then turn around and head back home. That's what we Marshall's do, it's how we support. I was glad to be apart of it and am truly happy for him and the rest of my siblings finding the "one."
What I don't like is that everyone else wants me to follow suit and find someone that I can go down on one knee for. At the moment, of course I want a relationship but I'm not too thrilled about the lasting implications. All the dealings behind the scenes still doesn't sit right with me, with all that I dealt with in my past I still have to turn to God for some healing.
After the life that I lived I can wait my turn, more in the last couple weeks than the entire year I've endured temptation after temptation. Recently, a friend forwarded me a number of a girl that wants to meet me but I don't want to meet her. I don't know anything about her but I know how real soul ties are and I don't want to give of myself to another person that isn't my wife. I don't have the fortitude nor the will to open up to another individual without the true possibility of a future. I don't want to be tempted nor do I want to take away time from my entrepreneurship responsibilities in order to entertain someone. I just want to focus on my relationship with God and let him lead me to the right person, if nothing else, I just want to be in his presence.
Also, basketball never betrayed me, only I did her, I want to be successful and have my daughters as much as I want more than I want to be with someone. Although I get my calmness from the Prince of Peace I would be lying to say that I still didn't feel the pain of Amelia's absence. What I can tell you is that I'm stronger through this impossible situation, I can tell you where my faith resides and who I have hope in. This Sunday my spiritual leader and guest pastor spoke at my church, and his main point was can God recommend me? Working off the story of Job, God gave Satan the power to destroy everything surrounding Job except his life. He talked about how the devil prows around like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour.
The message spoke to me because Job never lost faith in who his confident hope was, instead he was patient in affliction and continuously prayed. When things were getting worse he tore his clothes and fell to his knees in worship, the presence of God filled the church today. All I could do was raise my arms in agreement, well arm, as I had Amara sleeping in my other.
It was an encouraging message, one that I needed and will watch again at some point. I miss Amelia, I'm thankful for my relationship with Amara, I'm blessed to still be alive, I'm grateful for God allowing me this new position at work, and I will remain faithful to my walk in Christ.
Thank you Lord for loving me, for protecting my daughters, for ensuring that all things are working together for my good, for moving in the seen and unseen, thank you Lord.
Amelia and Amara, daddy loves you, I love you more than you two might ever know.